The key ideas

I Am That Girl: How to Speak Your Truth, Discover Your Purpose, and #bethatgirl

Alexis Jones, 2014

Alexis Jones finished a book about finding your voice and caught herself writing the introduction to win other people's approval. The founder of the I AM THAT GIRL movement gathered her own stories and those of more than thirty friends. The book is about working out what you want, taking care of yourself without guilt, acting boldly and surrounding yourself with people who support you.

Who it is for

For girls and young women who are tired of bending to other people's expectations. And for anyone looking for their calling and for support inside themselves rather than in someone else's approval.

Nobody wants to be responsible for your happiness, and nobody can handle it better than you.

The introduction that wouldn't come

The book is almost done; only the introduction is left. Alexis Jones sits in front of a blank screen, types draft after draft and deletes every one. Then she sees what's wrong: in every version she's trying to guess what readers want to hear. She has just finished a book about finding your voice and not depending on other people's approval, and she has fallen into the same trap herself.

Jones worked as a TV host, was a contestant on the reality show Survivor and founded the I AM THAT GIRL movement. It's a nonprofit organization that reminds girls of their worth. The book speaks above all to girls and young women. Besides her own stories, the author collected stories from more than thirty friends: about love, failures and the search for a calling.

Jones's main idea is simple and firm: you don't need to be fixed. She says plainly that she offers no ready-made recipes and doesn't promise a life without cloudy days. What she suggests is dropping out of the race for perfect looks and other people's approval. Nobody ever signed up for that race. Four steps follow: work out what you want, take care of yourself, act boldly but come prepared, and choose the people around you.

A question with only one answer

At seventeen, Alexis was dating a guy who planned to spend the summer traveling around Europe. She broke down, and he asked her, “Lex, what makes you happy?” The honest answer would have been “you”, and she had nothing else to name. She suddenly saw that she was building her future around his dream: he wanted to snowboard around the world, and she was going to tag along and work in a coffee shop.

Jones believes many of us are raised on the Cinderella story: be good, wait, and your dream will be handed to you on a silver platter. That story is missing the main thing: what you yourself want. And when you don't know what you want, every option looks good, from a college to a partner.

She found her calling almost by chance. In her second year of college, the director of a student play about violence against women invited her to audition, and Alexis couldn't bring herself to say no to her face. She had no experience. Reading the script, she burst into tears and headed for the door, but they called her back: the part was hers. On stage she realized she wanted to tell stories and speak in front of people.

Her advice: look for clues in what makes you angry enough to cry and in what makes you lose track of time. Find at least five minutes to sit in silence without your phone. And write down your rules: what matters to you and what you won't put up with. A personal constitution like this works as a compass, and you can revise it.

Read in Livria

About the author

Alexis Jones worked as a TV host and sports reporter and was a contestant on the reality show Survivor. She founded the nonprofit I AM THAT GIRL, which supports girls and reminds them of their worth.

All books by this author: Alexis Jones

Terms from the book

  • Scott
  • Survivor
  • I AM THAT GIRL: The nonprofit organization founded by Alexis Jones. It brings girls together in local chapters and reminds them of their worth.
  • Nonprofit organization: An organization that works for a public cause rather than for profit. The money it earns goes back into its mission.
  • Personal constitution: An image from the book, not a scientific term: your own list of values and rules that you check your decisions against. Jones suggests revisiting it from time to time.
  • Fox Sports: An American network of sports channels. Jones worked there while she was in graduate school.
  • Mononucleosis: A viral infection that brings fever, a sore throat and swollen lymph nodes. It usually comes with severe exhaustion.
  • The good kind of selfish: The author's phrase for looking after your own energy and needs, without which you can't truly look after others. It's her own formula, not a psychological term.
  • ESPN: The biggest American sports TV channel. Since childhood Jones had dreamed of working there as a sideline reporter.
  • Rose Bowl: A famous annual American college football game played in Pasadena, California.
  • Scholarship: Money for studies that a university or a foundation gives a student for their achievements. In the United States it can cover expensive tuition.

All terms

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