The key ideas

Life Without Ed: How One Woman Declared Independence from Her Eating Disorder and How You Can Too

Jenni Schaefer, Thom Rutledge, 2003

“I have never been married, but I am happily divorced,” writes Jenni Schaefer. Her “ex” is Ed, the eating disorder she lived with for more than twenty years. The book recounts how, with a psychotherapist and a team of specialists, she learned to hear the illness’s voice separately from her own, argue with it, and leave it.

Who it is for

For anyone familiar with a voice dictating what to eat and how to look, and for loved ones wanting to support them without blame.

I have never been married, but I am happily divorced.

What the book is about

“I have never been married, but I am happily divorced.” This is how Jenni Schaefer begins her book. She says she lived with Ed for more than twenty years. He was cruel, controlled everything, and never hesitated to say what he thought of her.

Ed is not a man. He is an eating disorder, abbreviated E.D. Jenni, a singer and songwriter, had anorexia and bulimia. In therapy, she learned to discuss the illness as a separate character she could argue with and leave.

The book combines Jenni’s personal story with a technique from her psychotherapist Thom Rutledge, who added his comments to the chapters. This is the author’s experience and a metaphor rather than a scientific model of the illness or a treatment plan. The book diagnoses neither you nor your loved ones. Eating disorders can endanger health. Jenni herself recovered with a team of specialists.

Idea 1. A relationship as well as a diagnosis

Why can leaving an illness be so difficult? Jenni describes Ed as a partner who promises a great deal at first, then begins issuing orders, criticizing, and distancing her from loved ones. In her account, leaving him was frightening in the way leaving a destructive relationship can be.

In therapy, Thom Rutledge suggested treating the disorder as a relationship rather than only a condition. Hence the book’s language: divorce, declaration of independence, division of property.

This is the authors’ metaphor. It does not explain what causes the disorder and, according to reader feedback, does not suit everyone. But specialists recommending the book write that it gave many people language for discussing the illness.

Describing a problem as a separate character may make it easier to discuss without shame. Someone may see themselves as a person facing the problem rather than as the problem itself.

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About the author

Jenni Schaefer is an American singer, songwriter, and author of books including Goodbye Ed, Hello Me and Almost Anorexic. She chaired the Ambassadors Council of the US National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA). Thom Rutledge is an American psychotherapist and author of several books.

All books by this author: Jenni Schaefer, Thom Rutledge

Terms from the book

  • Ed
  • Support group
  • Eating disorder: A group of mental disorders involving disrupted relationships with food and the body. These disorders can endanger health. A specialist makes the diagnosis.
  • Miss Perfectionist: An image from the book rather than a psychological term: the voice demanding flawlessness and forbidding displays of weakness.
  • Treatment team: Several specialists providing treatment together, such as a physician, dietitian, and psychotherapist.
  • Relapse: The return of earlier symptoms after a period of improvement. The book describes it as part of the journey after which seeking help promptly matters.

All terms

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