The key ideas

How to Become a People Magnet

Marc Reklau, 2018

Why do we enjoy listening to one person, while with another we want to get away as soon as possible, even though they say clever things? Marc Reklau has gathered sixty-two simple rules of communication, and many of them go back to Dale Carnegie. From the book you will learn why an argument cannot be won, how to praise without flattering, and how not to take other people's rudeness personally.

Who it is for

For anyone who feels awkward among new people, often argues and regrets it afterwards, or simply wants people to feel at ease around them.

Do you want to receive more compliments? Give more compliments. Do you want to be more admired? Admire more. Do you want to be loved more? Love more.

Two guests at one party

Picture a party. One guest spends the whole evening talking about his job, his holiday and his new car. Another says almost nothing about himself, but asks questions, listens and remembers your name. You go home feeling that the second one is a wonderfully pleasant person, even though you know very little about him.

Marc Reklau is a German author of books on personal development and habits. He built his book about people from sixty-two short chapters split into seven parts: from how people work, through conversation and setting an example, to criticism, praise and habits that multiply your influence. Almost everything in it sounds familiar: smile, listen, don't criticise, keep your word. That does not bother Reklau. He quotes the old saying that common sense is the least common of all senses. Knowing the rules is not enough: people follow them far less often than they know them.

The book's main idea is simple and a little uncomfortable: people are most interested in themselves. Reklau takes many of his tips from Dale Carnegie and other classics of communication, and retells them briefly, in the language of everyday life. If you get along with people, he writes, doors open where there were none before.

Next you will learn why an argument cannot be won, how praise differs from flattery, why you should ask permission before giving advice, and how not to take other people's rudeness personally. This is not a bag of tricks. Reklau offers habits that make things easier both for you and for the people around you.

Everyone's favourite subject

Imagine someone sends you a group photo from a party. Who do you look for first? Almost everyone looks for themselves first, and only then checks how the others came out.

That is where Reklau begins. More than anything in the world, we are interested in ourselves. This is not a reproach but simply how people are made, and there is no point arguing with it. It is far more useful to accept it and build a conversation around the other person rather than around yourself. Every listener, even the most polite one, is silently asking: what's in it for me? That is why one of the book's chapters is called, simply, what matters is what they want.

Hence the main conclusion about conversation. The most important subject of any conversation is the other person: their affairs, plans and interests. Reklau advises forgetting the words “I”, “mine” and “me” for a while and saying “you” and “yours” more often. According to him, when you move from “I” to “you”, your influence grows noticeably.

Many people do the opposite and try to win others over by telling them as much about themselves as possible. Meanwhile the other person half listens and waits for their chance to speak. But if you ask them about themselves and let them talk, they will leave feeling they have met a very pleasant person to talk to. Even though they did most of the talking.

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About the author

Marc Reklau is a German author of personal development books and a coach. His first book, 30 Days, became an Amazon bestseller and has been translated into several languages.

All books by this author: Marc Reklau

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