Book quiz
Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love Quiz
Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of LoveSue JohnsonDishes, a phone, being late: different triggers, the same argument. Sue Johnson, a developer of emotionally focused therapy, explains that behind such arguments there is often one question: “Are you there for me?” This book explores how to recognize your cycle of arguments and step out of it.
Question 1 of 5
According to Johnson, who should you see as the enemy in Demon Dialogues?
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Right answer: The repeating cycle of the fight itself
Johnson suggests seeing the enemy not in your partner but in the repeating cycle of the fight itself. Then the two of you can fight it together.
Question 2 of 5
What often lies behind one partner's reproaches and the other's silence?
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Right answer: The same fear of losing the connection
Blaming and going silent look like opposites, but they're two ways of guarding against the same fear: losing the connection.
Question 3 of 5
You're late and didn't text, and your partner flares up as if it were a disaster. How does Johnson explain it?
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Right answer: A raw spot was hit, so the reaction outweighs the trigger
Everyone has raw spots. When one is hit, a person hears not the trigger but "you don't care about me", and reacts more strongly.
Question 4 of 5
Your partner is on the phone all evening, and you feel lonely. Which line, per Johnson, helps more?
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Right answer: "I missed you. Will you spend half an hour with me?"
A reproach hides the need, while a direct request shows it. In Johnson's experience, a partner finds it easier to respond to the request.
Question 5 of 5
In the forgiveness conversation, what does the other partner do while the hurt one talks about the wound?
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Right answer: Doesn't make excuses, acknowledges the pain and takes responsibility
Excuses and a quick "sorry" sidestep the pain. The hurt partner needs the other to acknowledge their pain and take responsibility for it.
Want all of the book's key ideas? Read or listen to its retelling in Livria.