Book quiz
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work Quiz
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage WorkJohn Gottman, Nan SilverFor years John Gottman watched couples in an apartment where instruments recorded every word and every heartbeat. From the first minutes of an argument, he learned to tell who would divorce. You'll learn which four habits destroy a marriage, why most fights don't need to be won, and what really holds long, happy…
Question 1 of 5
Which of these, per Gottman, is a complaint rather than criticism?
Show the answer
Right answer: "It hurts that the dishes weren't done again"
A complaint is about a specific action and your own feeling. Criticism passes judgment on character, and "you never" makes a person defend themselves.
Question 2 of 5
In a heated fight, your partner suddenly goes quiet and looks away. How does Gottman usually explain this?
Show the answer
Right answer: Overload: with a heart rate that high, listening is impossible
Above about a hundred beats a minute, the body goes into alarm mode. A silent wall is then often not indifference but an escape from overload.
Question 3 of 5
Your partner starts telling you about a lousy day at work, but you're busy. What matters, per Gottman?
Show the answer
Right answer: Turn toward them: it's a bid, a small request
Gottman calls such remarks bids. Each response is like a deposit into a shared account the couple lives on in hard times.
Question 4 of 5
You love order, your partner lives in creative chaos, and the argument has gone on for years. What would Gottman say?
Show the answer
Right answer: It's a perpetual problem: what matters is how you handle it
Most of a couple's conflicts are perpetual, rooted in differences of character. Happy couples don't get rid of them, they learn to live with them.
Question 5 of 5
According to Gottman, what usually lies behind a stubborn stance in a gridlocked argument?
Show the answer
Right answer: A dream the person doesn't say out loud
Digging in during an argument is rarely about wanting to win. Behind a position there's usually a dream the person doesn't say out loud.
Want all of the book's key ideas? Read or listen to its retelling in Livria.