The key ideas

Never Eat Alone: And Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time

Keith Ferrazzi, Tahl Raz, 2014

A steelworker’s son caddied for wealthy golfers and noticed that successful people help each other all the time. Keith Ferrazzi turned that observation into a system. You’ll learn how to build connections without falseness, why to meet people before you need help and how not to lose someone after the first meeting.

Who it is for

For anyone who feels awkward meeting people and asking for help, who is looking for a job or building their own business, and who wants new acquaintances not to fade after the first meeting.

The currency of real networking is not greed but generosity.

A caddie at someone else’s golf club

As a boy, Keith Ferrazzi worked as a caddie at a golf club near Latrobe, Pennsylvania. His father worked at a steel mill, and his mother cleaned the homes of doctors and lawyers. Lugging other people’s bags around the course, the boy saw how successful people helped each other: they found jobs for people they knew, invested in other people’s ideas and got children into good schools.

That was when he understood that poverty isn’t just a lack of money. It is also being cut off from people who could help you grow.

Then came Yale, Harvard Business School, the post of chief marketing officer at Deloitte Consulting and a company of his own. Ferrazzi wrote the book with journalist Tahl Raz in 2005, and in 2014 he added chapters on social media.

The book’s main idea is simple: you won’t get far on your own. The author isn’t fond of the word “networking” and talks instead about connections that rest on generosity. Next you’ll see why you shouldn’t keep score of favors, why to meet people in advance, how to ask without shame and how not to lose someone after the first meeting.

Coffee in Santa Monica

As a young consultant, Ferrazzi wanted to get into the film industry. A childhood friend put him in touch with David, an entrepreneur from Los Angeles. Over coffee, Ferrazzi asked for something small: an introduction to a senior executive at Paramount. David flatly refused and explained that someday he would need her help himself, and he didn’t want to spend her goodwill on other people’s requests.

To David, connections were a pie: cut a slice for someone else, and there’s less left for you. Ferrazzi is convinced of the opposite: trust grows when it’s used. Ten years later, according to the author, none of their mutual acquaintances had heard anything of David.

Jack Pidgeon, headmaster of the school the author attended, lived quite differently. Once, when Ferrazzi was a student, the campaign office where he and his friends worked ran out of money, and in the middle of the night the young people were thrown out of their hotel. They headed for Washington, and from the road Ferrazzi called Pidgeon. Pidgeon opened his card file and phoned alumni, and by the time the group reached Washington, everyone had a place to stay. He built his school on the question “How can I help you?”

Generosity has a second half too: you have to know how to ask for help. Research by Adam Grant, which the author cites, shows that generous people go furthest if they guard their time and are careful with those who only take.

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About the author

Keith Ferrazzi, founder of the consulting firm Ferrazzi Greenlight, was chief marketing officer at Deloitte Consulting and Starwood Hotels and later ran the gaming company YaYa. Tahl Raz is an American journalist who has written for Inc. and GQ.

All books by this author: Keith Ferrazzi, Tahl Raz

Terms from the book

  • David
  • Caddie
  • Networking
  • Grant
  • George
  • McKenna
  • Latrobe: A small town in western Pennsylvania, not far from Pittsburgh. The author grew up near it.
  • Deloitte: An international audit and consulting company. Ferrazzi began his career in its consulting division.
  • Pidgeon: Jack Pidgeon, former headmaster of the Kiski School in Pennsylvania, where the author studied. He helped graduates through his connections.
  • Kennametal: An American industrial company from Pennsylvania that makes tools and hard alloys. The author’s father worked at its plant.
  • Milken: Michael Milken, an American financier and philanthropist. He was among the investors in YaYa and a mentor to the author.
  • YaYa: A company that made online games as advertising for brands. Ferrazzi ran it from 2000.
  • Valenti: Jack Valenti, longtime head of the Motion Picture Association of America and an influential figure in Hollywood. He died in 2007.
  • Ping: The author’s word for a short signal to someone you know: a call, an email, a greeting, a link to an article. It is his image, not a standard term.
  • Blosil: Kent Blosil, an advertising sales representative for Newsweek magazine. The author met him through his work at Deloitte.

All terms

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