The key ideas

Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion

George J. Thompson, Jerry B. Jenkins, 1993

You're right, your arguments are airtight, and the other person still slams the door. George Thompson, a former literature teacher turned police officer, created a system that helps put out anger instead of fanning it: rather than fighting the other person's pressure, you use its energy, just like in judo. This book will teach you to stay calm, avoid trigger phrases and persuade people so that they agree on their own.

Who it is for

For anyone who has to talk to irritated, stubborn and difficult people — at work, with customers or at home. And for those who are tired of winning arguments and losing relationships.

A difficult conversation isn't won by whoever hits hardest with words, but by whoever calmly redirects the other person's energy where it needs to go.

What the book is about

You're right, your arguments are airtight, and the other person still slams the door. Why? George Thompson, an English literature teacher who became a police officer, knew the answer: in a difficult conversation, the winner isn't the one who argues better, but the one who can speak in a way that makes a furious person decide to calm down on their own.

“Verbal Judo” is his system for everyone who deals with difficult people, from police officers to parents. The core idea: don't meet anger head-on — use its energy, as in judo. Below are the most important ideas: calm, forbidden phrases, LEAPS and the five steps of persuasion. The very fact that you're looking for a way to speak more gently rather than more loudly is already a good start.

Idea 1. Redirect the blow and aim for voluntary compliance

Here's a paradox: to handle a pushy person, you have to stop resisting them. How is that even possible? When someone yells at you, you want to yell back. But as in judo, the stronger one is the one who uses the opponent's force instead of blocking it. Anger feeds on resistance: take away the wall, and the energy has nothing to push against. Imagine an argument as a rope two people are pulling. As long as you pull back, the rope is stretched until it hums. Let go of your end, and your opponent loses balance from their own momentum. Thompson doesn't suggest walking away from the conversation — just stop pulling: speak evenly, don't take the bait and calmly steer toward what you need.

Thompson's goal is voluntary compliance: getting the person to do what's needed on their own. Obedience under pressure lasts only as long as you keep pushing, and then it turns into revenge. The mistake is thinking a gentle tone means giving ground on substance.

How to apply: before a difficult conversation, decide what result you need, and choose your words for that result — not for the urge to put someone in their place.

A customer shouts that he's been overcharged. The cashier snaps back, and security gets called. Her coworker calmly says, “Let's sort this out — may I see your receipt?” — and the conflict is over.

Strength isn't in hitting back but in making sure the blow doesn't land.

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About the author

George Thompson was a teacher of English literature and rhetoric who became a police officer and founded the Verbal Judo Institute, which trained police and other professionals in communication around the world. Jerry Jenkins is an American writer and co-author of the “Left Behind” novel series.

All books by this author: George J. Thompson, Jerry B. Jenkins

Terms from the book

  • Empathy
  • Ego
  • Verbal Judo: George Thompson's system: instead of fighting someone's anger, you use its energy through words, the way judo uses an opponent's force.
  • Voluntary compliance: The main goal of Verbal Judo: a person does what's needed because they decided to, not because they were forced.
  • Deflector phrases: Short connectors like “I understand, but…” that acknowledge what the other person said and immediately bring the conversation back to the point without getting into an argument.
  • LEAPS: Five skills for a difficult conversation: Listen, Empathize, Ask, Paraphrase, Summarize.
  • Paraphrase: Retelling in your own words what the other person said, to show you've understood them and to take control of the frame of the conversation.

All terms

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